


Mutually Exclusive

by whereJIJisalive



Series: Home away from home [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-09-03
Packaged: 2017-12-20 20:11:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereJIJisalive/pseuds/whereJIJisalive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Kris' story, as I think it could have been. Follows them throughout the American Idol competition. Stories later in the series will see them through the tour and subsequent years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The following chapters are drabbles, ficlets and snapshots of Adam and Kris' life during Idol. It's somewhat true to reality in terms of outside events and timelines, but some creative license has been taken when it comes to that. I'm not terribly knowledgeable in Kris' career and whatnot, so in possible future stories most of the chapters are probably going to be from Adam's POV.
> 
> I wrote this about six months ago, forgot it, and found it again last week. I have a few chapters written, but after that it's all unknown territory.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story, and the characters within it are only inspired by real people. It is written with nothing but respect for Adam Lambert, Kris Allen and the rest of the people mentioned.

Katy's birthday was coming up. Kris was in the mall looking for a present for her, and somehow he had managed to convince Cale to come along. “I just don't know what to get her, you know?” he said, looking into the windows of a clothes shop. “Do I get her lingerie, jewelery, perfume, a book?” He snorted at his last suggestion. When his friend didn't answer he turned his head towards him. “Cale?”

Cale was frowning. Kris followed his line of sight until it became obvious what had made him fall silent and put that frown on his face. Two men were sitting on a bench in the middle of the open space in the mall, knees turned against the other's, hands on each other's fore arms and lips locked together. Kris' eyes widened slightly in surprise – he hadn't seen any gay people kiss in reality before, only in movies. He didn't have anything against it, though.

Cale, on the other hand, looked like he had smelled something nasty. The couple finally parted, smiling at each other, and Cale let out a huff of air. “I thought they'd never stop,” he mumbled and tore his eyes away. “What were you saying?”

Kris rolled his eyes and continued the conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time they talked to each other.

The first time Adam properly met Kris was in the lineup for the second “top 36” show. They were in the same group. Adam had seen the other man sing during Hollywood week, but he didn't remember much from that. He had been way too stuck in his own head, strategizing, planning and generally being a nervous wreck. He did remember Kris' looks, though. He was cute and just Adam's type.

After a long couple hours of rehearsal, he finally got to take a break. He walked into the lounge the network had set up for them, and headed straight for the coffee machine at the little kitchenette. Someone else was already standing there. As he got closer, he saw that it was Kris. “Hey, man, good job out there,” he said, making small talk as he poured himself a cup of coffee and added sugar.

“Oh, hey, thanks,” Kris said, glancing at him from where he was waiting for his tea to brew. “You too,” he belatedly added, and for some reason that was more endearing than annoying to Adam, because Kris had been staring at him ever since he started talking. He knew he could be an eyeful for these southern Christian boys. He understood, and as long as they didn't give him any grief about it, he was open to answering questions about himself. Kris wasn't asking any questions, though, just softly looking at him, partly confused and partly appreciative. It was an odd combination, and Adam couldn't decide what to make of it.

“You okay?” he asked instead, hoping to inspire some interesting answer.

“Yeah, absolutely, just...” He could see Kris swallow.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Kris laughed and shook his head evasively before turning around with his cup of tea to lean against the counter. “Just, you're not like anyone I've ever met before.”

“All the Christian boys say that,” Adam said audaciously and winked.

As Kris laughed crinkles appeared around his eyes. The sound was contagious, and soon Adam was laughing just as hard.

“Hey, I don't have anything against you. Just because _I've_ never been able to pull off eyeliner and nail polish doesn't mean you don't.” He smiled.

“Now that's not something Christian boys usually say. It's very refreshing.” Adam glanced at Kris were he was standing next to him and took a sip of his coffee. He bit his lip and contemplated whether to say what had popped into his mind. At Kris' continued look of mirth he made his decision. “Although I'm pretty sure you could pull of eyeliner just fine,” he said completely seriously and reveled in Kris' look of mildly contained horror. After a few seconds Adam couldn't keep his poker face and broke into laughter once again. Kris punched him in the shoulder, and Adam whined sarcastically at the 'injury' sustained.

It was the beginning of one of the best friendships of his life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris has an important realization.

Kris opened his eyes. It was three in the morning, and they had a big day of rehearsals tomorrow, to make sure they were ready for the top 10 show on Saturday. He hadn't been able to sleep. It was something Katy had said when they had spoken on the phone earlier in the day. She'd said Kris had been talking about Adam _all_ the time lately, and with what little time they had to talk to each other every week, shouldn't they focus on something more important? Kris had just about refrained from exclaiming “Adam is important!”. It left him feeling odd. Because it was true, even if he hadn't let himself say it. Adam was really freaking important to him, even though they were polar opposites and had only known each other for a few weeks. He had never fallen into pace with someone this easily or this quickly, not even with Katy, and that frightened him. Sure, Kris and Adam were just friends, but Adam had come out to him and Kris couldn't deny(in his mind) that he felt a certain _attraction_ towards the older man.

“Kris?”

Kris' heartbeat accelerated at the sound of Adam's voice, as if he could have magically heard his thoughts in the silence of the night, and turned around so that he was facing Adam's bed. His blue eyes leapt out at him as the only thing he could see in the dark. “Yeah?” he said, but heard that he sounded weird and cleared his throat. “What?”

He could almost hear Adam's reaction to his slightly agitated response, even though he didn't say a word. “Sorry,” he murmured. “What is it?” he asked softly.

“I kind of wanted to ask you that,” Adam said. “I could hear that you weren't sleeping, and you've been off ever since you talked to Katy before.”

Kris sighed. “We had a fight. Well, not a fight, maybe, but a disagreement at least.” He knew Adam was going to ask what it had been about, so he quickly ransacked his mind for something to continue with other than _that_. Anything but that. “It's just really difficult to be apart this much, you know?”

Adam was silent for a while. “Yeah... I guess.”

“You must know what it's like, you have a boyfriend, right?” Kris asked, telling himself that he had no ulterior motive for asking Adam to reaffirm his relationship status. None whatsoever.

“I don't think Drake and I are going to last,” his friend admitted, offering no reason as to why. “We're not made for each other like you and Katy are,” he finally said.

Kris felt himself sit up. There was a strong will to comfort his friend. So he gave into it. He moved over to Adam's bed and sat down on the edge. “Are you okay?”

Adam turned from laying on his side to laying on his back, sitting up a little. “Yeah,” he said, but his voice didn't hold.

Kris laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly, hoping that Adam wasn't finding the notion strange. “If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here,” he said.

“Well, yeah, likewise,” Adam smiled tightly before he shook his head. “But I think we should try to get some sleep now, we'll be exhausted in the morning.”

“Ever the voice of reason,” Kris teased, his hand still massaging Adam's shoulder.

“I've been called many things, Kris Allen, but never have I been accused of sanity,” he quipped, a more genuine smile adorning his features. “Thanks, man,” he said.

After a comfortable, sleepy half-hug they parted and Kris retreated back into his own bed. He did his best to ignore his troubles, marital or otherwise, and let the regular breathing of his roommate guide him to sleep.

One thing that made him like Adam was how solid he was. He was wild and unpredictable, a real _character_ in the best sense of the word, but he was also calm and collected. He was confident and he knew how to handle himself in front of all types of people, and that confidence, that security, it made Kris feel all the more secure when he was around him. Adam was like a home away from home, and Kris loved that about him.

The realization that Kris did in fact love everything about Adam, faults and all, set in while he was dreaming that night. But instead of being a momentous revelation, it was a soothing knowledge that didn't shock him at all. When he woke up the next morning it was just _there_ and that's when he knew that he would want to keep Adam in his life no matter how the competition turned out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris comforts Adam after he was in the bottom three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are the last of what I wrote a few months ago. I tried to move a little outside of my comfort zone, and I hope you like them. Either way, please let me know!

Adam flopped down on his bed, not even having bothered to remove his makeup. Kris looked at his friend from the doorway, sad for him, but determined to be of some help at least. He sat down on his own bed, facing Adam. “You'll be okay,” he said. “It was close this time, but that'll never happen again. You're gonna win this Adam. You can't think anything different."

Adam responded with a groan. “What if they've had enough of me? Too much makeup, too much drama, too much... everything,” he said into his pillow. The night had been tough for Adam. First he'd had a fight with Drake, and then he was in the bottom three. 

“Now you're just being ridiculous,” Kris remarked. “The audience loves you. Who has got the most praise from the judges, the most media coverage and the most devoted fans, Adam? Danny? I wouldn't think so. You're the favorite Adam. You're the most talented singer here. There is no way you're not gonna pull through.”

At that Adam looked up at him. “You really think so?”

Kris smiled. “Absolutely.”

Adam sighed and shook his head at his own stupidity. He jumped up so that he was sitting on the bed. “I guess I just have to carry on being me,” he said with moderate determination. “You were wrong about one thing, though.”

“Oh yeah? What's that?”

“I'm not the most talented singer. You are.”

Kris shook his head admonishingly and moved to sit next to Adam. Putting his arm around the other man's shoulder, he turned Adam's head towards him with a hand on his chin. Looking into his eyes, as to convey the most honesty, he said solemnly: “I might have my all-American thing going for me, and expressive eyes or whatever, but you are without a doubt the best singer and performer of the lot of us.” 

Adam opened his mouth to argue, which drew Kris' eyes to it. He hadn't noticed that Adam had freckles on his lips before. He forced his eyes up towards Adam's brilliant blue ones and interrupted the man who had started to say something. Something that Kris hadn't heard, his attention being occupied elsewhere.

“Shut up,” he said softly and Adam obliged. “You know I'm right. Nobody can spell-bind the audience like you can. Remember Mad World? Nobody's ever gotten Simon on his feet before. Nobody but you. Okay?”

Adam finally smiled. “Okay.” He looked intensely at Kris. “Are you happy now?”

“I am if you are,” Kris said, breathing shallow.

Adam's mouth twitched but he didn't smile. He leaned over slightly, and Kris found himself mirroring his movements. His eyes were wide and so were Adam's, and before they knew it their lips were touching, slotted together perfectly. Adam's lips started to move under his, and a surge of pleasure ran through Kris. He responded in kind and when Adam's tongue pushed gently against his teeth he opened his mouth and let him in. The feeling of kissing Adam was amazing, but there was a memory of a similar feeling pushing at the back of his mind. Suddenly he could see Katy in his mind's eye, and finally realized what he was doing. He forced himself to stand up and back away, his and Adam's lips separating with an audible pop as he moved away.

They stared at each other.

“Oh God Kris, I'm so sorry,” Adam looked horrified. 

Kris was almost hyperventilating now, so he made himself take a couple deep breaths. What had he done? Sure, it was just a kiss and it had stopped there, but he had never been unfaithful to Katy before. He felt like the biggest jerk in the world, and all he could think about was how his wife would react if she found out. She'd be heartbroken. Worried. Confused. Much like he was feeling right now. What Adam might be feeling barely even crossed his mind, and seeking escape, he turned around and ran out of there.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam tries to sort out the mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter so far. After this, things got a little tricky.

Adam lay numbly in his bed. It had been an hour since the kiss and Kris still hadn't returned. He couldn't believe they had just done that. He couldn't believe his _own_ stupidity. Kris was married, for Christ's sake. He was married to an adorable, southern, very Christian _woman_. Adam had been so selfish, letting himself kiss Kris. Sure, he hadn't exactly protested, but he still shouldn't have pushed his feelings on Kris like that. He shouldn't even have these feelings in the first place, this pathetic crush he had on a _straight_ man. Or, straight enough, at least. Kris had his wife. He would never want to be with Adam.

As an afterthought, Drake crossed his mind. He liked Drake, he really did. They could laugh together, watch indie movies together and had the most amazing sex, but there wasn't really a deeper connection between them. And after the fight they'd had the previous night, Adam wasn't sure their tenuous connection would last much longer. Besides, Drake probably wouldn't mind that he'd kissed Kris. He'd most likely give him a pat on the back and praise him for converting a good, Christian boy. So guilt wasn't really a factor in his thoughts. Not when it came to Drake anyway. He felt a little guilty when it came to Kris. He actually felt terrible. But he also knew that whatever Kris was going through, this kiss wasn't entirely Adam's fault. They had both wanted it. It just sucked that it had to happen this way, when it really couldn't happen at all.

He had to talk to Kris. He had to make sure they were okay, that they could still be friends, and a big part of him also wanted to ask Kris something. With everything that surrounded the kiss, he hadn't given much thought to the kiss itself. It had actually been one of the best first kisses he'd ever had. He wanted to know what Kris had been thinking. Why had he kissed Adam back? What had been going through his head?

Adam vowed to himself that he would offer his help to Kris if he was feeling confused, but at the same time not to push him for the information he was so desperate for. He got up and went over to his dresser to fish out a pair of sweat pants. He was already wearing an undershirt. Quietly he sneaked out of the room, tiptoeing down the hall towards the lounge and the kitchen. He found Kris and his laptop by the breakfast island in the kitchen. Adam was noticed instantly.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly. Kris looked away from him. Adam hoped he wasn't angry with him. That was definitely not anything he'd expected, seeing as what had happened was not completely his fault. They had, after all, kissed _each other._ “Kris?” He went to sit opposite the younger man.

After a minute or so Kris carefully closed his laptop, but he didn't look up. “What-” Kris began but silenced and shook his head. “What am I going to do?”

“What are you thinking right now?” Adam waited for Kris' answer, but when it didn't come he thought he would make some things clear. “I just want you to know, _I'm_ fine. You don't have to worry about that. You have Katy, and you need to hold on to her. I get that. And I'm here for you whatever happens. As your friend.”

Kris smiled weakly. “Thanks,” he said softly. “You know, you're not making things any easier for me.”

Adam frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

“Being so nice about it. So freaking understanding.”

Adam smiled. “You want me to be less noble? I can do that. I'm guessing you're confused right now. Well, count me in, because I thought you were straight.”

“So did I,” Kris said in a comical voice. He was silent for a long moment before he spoke again. “You know the first time I saw you you were singing Believe at the rehearsals. And I just remember thinking: 'What an amazing voice!'. But I also thought 'who is that guy?'. Because you were so confident, so at home on the stage and so different.”

Adam looked at him, fascinated. It was seldom he heard Kris be so open about personal things.

“And I remember thinking, then and many times after that, that if I was ever going to be attracted to a man it was going to be you,” he paused. “Seems I went one step further, huh?”

Adam grappled with what to say for a moment, thinking of what he would really like to say('How did it feel for you? Do you think you could ever like me as much as I like you?') and what he should say('It was nothing to me, let's forget it.'), and chose something in between. “Look, Kris, a kiss is not the end of the world. If you decide to tell Katy, you guys will get past that easily if you just talk to each other. As for me, I'd be lying if I said that what happened in there, and what you just said didn't mean anything to me, but I'm pretty used to crushing on straight guys.” He sighed. “I'll get over it.”

Kris looked at him with an expression more sincere than pity(which was what he had expected), and shook his head resolutely. “I guess that would be the sane thing to do,” he said, looking like he wanted to bury his face in his hands, but resisting. “But I don't think I can talk to Katy about it yet, because I don't know what _it_ is. I don't know if it's that you're the exception to my sexuality – you know that exception they say everyone has – or if this connection we have is really just a good friendship that fell on its head and killed a few braincells,” Kris said before finally stopping, probably realizing that he'd been rambling.

Kris took a deep breath. “Or if it's something real,” he said, and sounded the most vulnerable Adam had ever heard him. He had to sit on his hands to make sure he didn't reach out for Kris to comfort or reassure him. There was a long silence, in which the tension was tinged with desire and uncertainty and to some extent also hope, but Adam tried to banish that thought from his mind because he still didn't understand where they stood.

“So where do we go from here?” Adam finally asked, and in the incredibly open expression that came over Kris he got a glimpse into the younger man's mind. He saw the tumultuous thoughts written on his face. The guilt and the fear and the hint of anger. Ultimately they let up, freeing Kris and for a second allowing him the lightness of methodical thinking as he put all those feelings on hold.

“We keep being friends,” he said neutrally. “I try to work things out in my head. And I'll be open with you about what I'm thinking because anything less isn't fair.” he paused, biting his lip. “Not that any of this is fair to Katy, but I also don't think it's fair to trouble her with this if it turns out to be nothing,” he said and winced at his choice of words, or possibly at Adam's badly concealed hurt look, Adam didn't know which. This was certainly an awkward situation they had gotten themselves into. Adam didn't know how to see it or what to hope for, but he was glad that their friendship would remain intact.

“Okay,” he said. Now he just had to work at keeping his _heart_ intact.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris tries to figure things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so difficult to continue on from the last chapter, just because there are so many directions I could have taken it in after that. I wrote about three different versions. Ultimately, I decided on this one, and what comes next, because I feel like this is more true to who Kris, Adam and Katy actually are, as people. I opted for realism in place of fanfiction logic.

Kris knew that he was staring. A lot. He didn't seem to be able to stop, and weirdly, it helped him think. Adam had noticed, of course, and asked him about it. To that he had said that he still had a lot to figure out, and abashedly added that it was kind of hard not to, when Adam insisted on looking like he did every day. Adam had only blushed, shaken his head and given his hair a ruffle when they were alone. 

Kris was confused. Because, when Kris talked to Katy, he could be certain, certain without the shadow of a doubt, that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. He didn't need anybody else. But then, he'd hang up the phone and Adam would return from his shower – already dressed as to avoid any awkwardness – with flushed cheeks and wet hair, no makeup as far as the eye could see and all the freckles on his face and arms exposed.

Then Katy would be just a hazy memory. It frightened him, to be already so in love with his gorgeous, smart, sweet wife, and to be feeling some kind of love towards a man at the same time. A sexy, funny, intelligent man. He couldn't make any sense of it. He had never questioned his sexuality before. He had never believed himself to be capable of loving two people at the same time, either. However, it would appear that he was. But he was still trying to convince himself that what he felt for Adam was platonic love, because he was just such an amazing guy, sprinkled with a dash of attraction, because he was just that _hot_.

He couldn't stand being that dramatic about it all. After all, regardless of what he felt towards Adam, he knew that he still loved Katy and that he always would. They had made a vow before God to be faithful to each other and to take care of each other until the day they died. That was also what he wanted to do.

And he had promised to tell Adam what was going on in his head, hadn't he? It was probably time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris tells Adam what he's decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you won't find this too melodramatic. (but it is fanfiction, after all).

“It's you,” Kris said suddenly, when they were lounging in their room the night after the top 4 results show.

“Hm?” Adam asked, not understanding, but not intrested enough to fully divert his attention from the rock magazine he was reading.

“I said it's-” Adam could hear Kris' sigh from where he was sitting on his bed. “It's you,” he repeated, more firmly this time.

This sounded important, Adam realized, and let his magazine fall closed with a whoosh. “It's me, what?”

“I'm not attracted to other men,” Kris finally said, a slight blush on his cheeks. “It's just you.”

“Oh.” It finally set in what this was about and yes, he was right, it was important. Extremely so. Despite that, though, he didn't know what to say. “How do you know?” he settled on, tentatively.

Kris was silent for a long while, and Adam was getting more and more afraid that he had said exactly the wrong thing, until Kris looked him square in the eyes.

“I just do.”

Kris looked like he could use a hug. Even though he knew it was selfish, he also knew it would be well-recieved, and didn't have to mean anything more than a friend comforting a friend, so he crossed the distance between them and sat down on Kris' bed. He reached out for his friend.

“Come here,” he said softly, and felt as Kris sank into his embrace without doubt. They had always been able to read each other so well, and Adam had a feeling that Kris could tell what he wanted to say with this hug. He rested his head atop Kris' and heard the other man release a shakey breath.

“It's okay,” Adam whispered.

When they let each other go Adam could see the light of new determination in his friend's eyes, and somehow he knew he wasn't going to be happy about what was coming next.

After that they had a very long, very honest conversation, but one thing that Kris had said would stick with him longer than anything else.

_“As much as I want to explore what this is, what it could be, I love Katy more than anything, and I can never envision that changing under any circumstances. But I also want to say that if I had come to this point in my life any other way,_ any other way _, who knows what could have happened? And I want to dwell on that thought as little as you do, I'm sure, because it hurts for me too. But I want you to know that nothing, no one other than Katy could stop me from falling in love with you.”_

That was the most heartbreaking, cruel thing Kris could have said, but he wouldn't want to unhear it if he could. Later, when they gave each other some space and Adam was locked up in the bathroom talking to Brad, he told him about it and Brad responded not with any comforting words or pity, but by drily calling him a masochist(followed by a related joke about their previous sex life). That's when he knew he had chosen the right person to call, because making him laugh after that ordeal was no mean feat.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris gets a call from Katy.

As time progressed in the house, the awkwardness they had found themselves in subsided. They could soon continue to be good friends and good friends only. Kris was really happy about that. He had thought, at first, that what he felt for Adam had to be translated to something sexual or romantic, but it turned out that he could put that out of his mind, for the most part. So what if the media had picked up on the connection between them? So what if they were being called the greatest bromance of the century? The century was short, Kris thought to himself and snorted.

The only thing the public knew was that he and Adam were friends. He guessed he could see why they would think there was something more involved, seeing as they had been hugging a lot on stage, especially in results shows. But that was nothing Kris thought twice about. Seeking out Adam when he found out that he'd be able to continue for another week was just natural, and he was adamant to himself that he would have done the same even if he hadn't harbored any kind of romantic feelings towards the man.

Even so, he didn't realize how much it actually showed until he got a phonecall from Katy the night just after the Top 3 results show.

“Kris?”

“Hi, sweetie, what's up?”

“I just wanted to call, and hear your voice,” Katy said, but Kris could hear that there was something not quite right.

“I'm here,” he said, in an effort to reassure her. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” she said. “You know that.” There was that off note in her voice again. She sounded... insecure?

“I do. Is everything alright?”

Katy sighed on the other end. “That was a great show last night. Like always. You and Adam tore up the stage,” she said, and now she sounded sad.

Kris couldn't figure out why. Couldn't she just tell him what was going on? “Yeah,” he said, hoping that she wasn't going to take this to the topic of Adam.

“You know, Kris... I never thought I'd have to be jealous of a _man_.”

“What do you mean?” Kris was quick to say, making himself keep breathing. Surely she didn't-?

“And it's not even about the hugs that happen every time you're on camera together, that could be just friendship, but the way you two look at each other... It's _just_ how you used look at me when we were in High School.”

Kris drew in a shakey breath. There was so much wrong with what she had just said.“Katy...” He tried, and she was silent on the other end, waiting. He tried to form the words in his head before he spoke them, but realized he probably didn't have the time. “You know I love you,” he said and it sounded all wrong. “I don't- I mean-” He paused. “I wish you were here so much,” he exclaimed. “I wish you were here so we could talk face to face.”

“You're not- You're not breaking up with me, right?” Katy said hesitantly.

“What? No! Of course not! I just think this conversation would be easier to have if you could be here.”

“So what is this conversation exactly, Kris?” She asked, and the undertone of anger he had heard in her voice before rose to the surface.

_God, give me strength._ He couldn't be anything but honest with her. “Adam and I,” he began, “we've become really close. And it's weird, because, we're complete opposites.” He took a breath, preparing himself. “A few weeks ago, we kissed. Once. It hasn't happened again, and it's not going to. Because he's my friend. And yeah. There might be some feelings involved – mostly on his part, but some on mine too, I guess, but we've agreed that we want to be friends.” He waited for some kind of reaction from his wife.

“Besides the fact that he's a man, which I do want to talk about-”

“Of course.”

“Is this what you want? To be friends with him?” Katy asked. He could feel that she was about to say something important. He didn't have time to answer before she continued.

“Or am I some sort of obligation to you?”

“No!”

“Your ball and chain?”

“No, Katy!” That was the last thing he wanted her to believe.

“Would you rather be with Adam?” She asked, sounding deflated now. “Because that's certainly what it looks like up there.”

“I don't, Katy.” He said determinedly. “What I want is to be with my wife, the most gorgeous, smart, sweet girl I've ever met. I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you and I will love you beyond the last. Even if the last is when death does us part, I will love you after. Always. And I mean that.”

“Really?” she asked, and he hated how vulnerable she sounded. He couldn't stand that he had hurt her. It only strengthened his resolve never to do it again.

“Always,” he repeated, his voice thick with purpose.

They were silent for a while, both taking in the conversation. The ball was in her court, though, and he wanted her to know that. “Katy?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to know, that whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. Okay? As long as it means I get to stay your husband. I don't want to hurt you ever again.” He could hear sniffles on the other end, and wished nothing more than that she was there and that he could hold her and comfort her.

“Okay,” she whispered. She took some time to recharge. “I know you have to be around him a lot now, until the show and then the tour is over. And I don't want to dictate your life, Kris. I don't want you to resent me. But I'd like you to keep physical contact to a minimum, especially off-stage.”

“Of course,” he interjected. That much he had expected, and if that was the only thing he was a happy man.

“But one more thing,” she said and Kris held his breath, nervous.

“Yeah?”

“I want to talk to Adam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? All I've heard about Kris and Katy's marriage has been good, and I didn't want to undermine that. That doesn't mean this is over, though.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris tells Adam about his conversation with Katy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't mind occasional drabble-like chapters. It's easier to keep the story going that way. The title of this story in my dropbox folder is actually 'Kradam Snapshots'. It was always meant to be quite short chapters.

After that charged and strange conversation, Kris had gone to Adam to tell him what had happened.

“So she's okay?” he had asked disbelievingly.

“I think so,” Kris had replied, and proceeded to tell Adam about her two conditions. At the first Adam had simply nodded, solemnly, probably as unsurprised as Kris, but at the second he had shot up out of his chair, looking terrified.

“She wants to talk to me? Why?”

“I-I don't know, she wouldn't say. But I mean, it's not like you haven't talked to her before.”

And that was true, because they had talked on the phone a couple times and met in person when Katy had visited.

“I know,” Adam had said. “And she's lovely, she's adorable, which just makes it even more weird.”

Kris had laughed at that. “It'll be fine, okay?”

“Yeah.” Adam hadn't looked convinced, making Kris ache to reach out and give him a hug, but remembering his promise, he refrained.

The atmosphere had been heavy between them after that, and Kris had soon excused himself, if only to escape the resigned look in Adam's eyes. It was something which hurt him more than he'd thought it would.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam talks to Katy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this one. It was probably the most difficult to write so far, but I hope you like it.

Adam wiped his sweaty palms off his jeans before accepting the phone that was held out to him. He had tried to tell himself all day that it wouldn't be so bad. Katy was rational. She was kind. It would be fine. Even though he had somewhat managed to convince himself that all of that was true, he still knew it would be awkward as hell, and nothing he would usually say to break the ice could fix that.

“Katy?” He said tentatively into the phone, keeping eye contact with Kris, who was no doubt just as curious as Adam about what she was going to say.

“Adam, hi,” a sweet voice greeted him. “How are you?”

“Um, fine, I guess. A bit nervous,” he said honestly.

Katy chuckled in response. “You have nothing to be nervous about,” she said, and he could actually feel warmth in her words. Adam was starting to understand what Kris saw in this woman.

“So what did you want to say to me?” he asked.

“Not much,” Katy said, but Adam found that hard to believe. “Like I said to Kris before, I'm not his keeper. I'm not trying to micromanage him. But I am his wife.”

Adam was also starting to hear what a self-assured and strong woman she was. The first time he had spoken to her he had immediately been filled with a great sense of respect for her, and that only seemed to grow with every encounter, despite the strange situation they found themselves in. He couldn't help but dread what she was going to say next, though, because judging by the sound of her voice they were going to be a few choice words.

“And I trust Kris. I always have, and before this he has never given me any reason not to.”

Adam swallowed.

“What I really wanted to ask you, is can I trust _you_? Can I trust _you,_ a complete stranger to me, to not make this any harder for Kris than it regrettably already is?”

Adam didn't need to think about it. He glanced at Kris who was sitting on the chair by his vanity, watching him closely. “Yes. You can. It was a one-time thing, it was a mistake, and what I really want is to keep having Kris as a friend.”

Kris gave him a bittersweet smile from his seat.

“Okay. Good.” Katy said. “I know he wants the same. But I'm giving you one chance, Adam. One. Don't waste it.”

Adam had to remind himself to answer. “I-I won't. Thank you.” He hesitated and added: “I think I'm starting to see why he loves you so much.” He hoped he hadn't overstepped his mark.

“I knew you'd be a good guy,” she said eventually, dispelling Adam's worries.

“Really? How?”

“Kris has a thing for kindness,” she said serenely and hung up before Adam could possibly think of anything to say.

“Wow,” he said before making himself press the button on the phone and hand it back to Kris, who had stood up and was watching him curiously.

“...How did it go?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to stop ending chapters with dialogue. Sorry.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nail polish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really know where to take it from the last chapter, but I knew I had to include the nail polish thing somehow.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Adam asked, looking down at the vial of nail polish.

“Of course,” Kris smiled conspiratorially. “It's the perfect thing. The press have been going on and on about how our friendship must be an act, and people from home have been doubting it. I can't have that. I'm proud to be your friend. I want to show that we support each other.”

“Katy won't mind?” Adam asked earnestly.

Kris almost rolled his eyes. He understood why Adam would worry about that, but honestly, Kris didn't. “I don't think so. And if she does, that would be stupid. She knows we're still friends, and believe it or not, she likes you.”

“Maybe,” was all Adam said, looking like he was lost in thought for a minute. He eventually shook it off, and to Kris' surprise put down the nail polish and went into the en suite bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Kris asked, slightly amused.

“Be right back,” Adam called from the bathroom, but Kris' curiosity made him go to Adam instead, to see what he was up to. When he found him he was dipping a ball of cotton into a strong-smelling fluid, and bringing it to his right thumb. It removed the black nail polish on that fingernail.

“Oh,” Kris murmured from the doorway, attracting Adam's attention.

“I know, right?” Adam said and smiled. “You carry a piece of me and I carry a piece of you.”

Kris broke out into a grin. “That's a great idea!”

Adam always seemed to be the smarter of the two of them. _The better half,_ his mind echoed, which took him on a train of thought he should probably abort. Instead he gravitated towards Adam in the small bathroom, and suddenly they were very close. Kris felt like he'd been put in a trance, watching Adam stand there looking so beautiful in tight jeans and a Queen t-shirt, hair without product, eyeliner but no foundation, just a bit of raspberry chapstick on his lips-

“Kris?” Adam breathed, and since when had Kris gotten close enough to smell the flavor of his chapstick? As Kris woke from his trance he noticed that one of Adam's hands rested on Kris' waist and that their lips were only millimeters from each other. His eyes flickered up to meet Adam's, and the look he was met with took his breath away. It felt like they stood like that for hours, when in reality it was barely a minute. Kris finally made himself step back. He had to turn away from Adam and grabbed the doorframe to keep himself upright.

“Sorry,” he mumbled before making his way out of the room.


	12. Chapter 12

Adam didn't chase after him. He felt like he'd done enough of that for the last couple of weeks. Besides, Kris would be okay. After all, the temptation was there, they both knew that. As long as Kris didn't give in to it he had nothing to feel guilty about.

Anything else he might feel was not Adam's fault. Something which he had to remind himself of daily, because despite Katy's blessing to stay friends with Kris, he was just waiting for someone to snatch Kris away from him. The audience of the show, the press, Katy... Sometimes it felt like they were all out to get him. Trying to shake the feeling, he walked back into his room, which he no longer shared with Kris. There were so few of them left that they had been able to get their own rooms for the last three weeks of the show, if they ended up staying that long.

He laid down on his bed, putting his earbuds in. Maybe some rock/RnB combo could take his mind off the tiny, adorable, too straight guy he couldn't stop thinking about.

When he woke up who knows how much later, it was to feel the dip of the mattress as Kris laid down next to him, laying a hand across his chest and his head on his shoulder.

“Kris?” he mumbled, thinking of their promise to Katy.

“Shh,” Kris said sleepily. “Just this once. I need it.” He burrowed in closer and released a content sigh, his hair tickling Adam's chin slightly.

“Okay,” Adam said, bringing up his hand to rub at Kris' back. “But I'm still painting your thumbnail in the morning,” he murmured, before closing his eyes and drifting off, savoring the moment that could not come again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale is approaching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! Sorry this took a while, but I've been busy babysitting the last few days. Next chapter might be a bit slow as well, but I'll try to get something up for you on Tuesday at the latest.

Going through to the finals with Kris was probably the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him. He didn't know what he would have done had it been Gokey next to him on that stage. He felt bad for the guy, sure, but whatever pity he harbored for Danny was completely overshadowed by his excitement to perform in the finals with Kris.

He wasn't even worried about winning anymore. It felt more like now was the time to have fun, before he was released into the crazy world of touring and promoting and trying to record an album all at the same time. Which he was hoping he'd get to do, of course, regardless of the outcome. He didn't want to jinx it for himself, but he was pretty sure the Idol wave would give him a pretty good kickstart to his career. He was only starting to worry about how far that wave would take him, and what would happen next.

You didn't need to remind him of all the Idols before him, now forgotten in any other venue. The Idol Graveyard, Brad always called it with a shudder. Adam was determined. More determined than he had ever been before – he was not going to be its next victim. This determination more or less eclipsed everything else in his life right now.

He knew he hadn't called Drake in two weeks, but only because his mom had mentioned it. Drake and him were slowly coming to an end, he could feel it. Still he looked forward to having one or two good nights with him before breaking it up. Hopefully Drake would be up for that, and they could still be friends afterwards. Adam seemed to have perfected the art of staying friends with his exes. Just look at Brad.

As for Kris, he tried to steer his mind towards friendship every time he was reminded of something else, and it was getting surprisingly easy. Sure, they had more than their fair shares of awkward moments and unresolved sexual tension, but their friendship was also getting stronger. Adam could focus on his ambitions for the future and Kris... Well, Kris could focus on his.  


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winner of American Idol is announced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, only a day late! I kind of put off writing this because I knew I'd have to watch the clip where Kris wins, and that's still kind of hard. Don't get me wrong, I like Kris a lot, but that doesn't stop me feeling like Adam was robbed. 
> 
> Sorry if it's a little short, but I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer.

“The winner, of American Idol 2009 is.....

Kris Allen!”

For a brief moment Adam could feel something twist in his gut, but then he felt Kris beside him and he was filled with happiness for him. He didn't even make a conscious decision; suddenly his arms were enveloping the other man and a big grin stretched across his face. He was sure Kris was grinning as well, into his shoulder. Pushing him away to look at him, he could see that Kris' eyes were glazed over. Adam shook him a little as if to say 'Look! You won! We did it!'. Finally Kris smiled back at him, and they found themselves back in each other's arms once again.

Soon Ryan's voice woke Adam out of his reverie and he forced himself to let go of the other man. Kris looked up at him for another second, eyes glittering, before he looked away to Ryan and the audience. This was _his_ moment, Adam realized. They might be close friends, always rooting for each other, and it may feel like both of them had won, but _Kris_ was the American Idol.

“Adam Lambert, ladies and gentlemen!” Ryan shouted, and Adam knew that was his cue to back away and let Kris have the moment to himself. Full of something bittersweet that pressed hard on his heart, he walked across the stage right into Allison's arms. As she murmured into his ear and the others enveloped him in their group Adam steeled himself for what was to come. They were both winners in the long run. But right now he came second. Second to the competition, second to America, second to Kris.

He was sure that in a few days, when it had all calmed down and they could start thinking about the future, he'd feel a lot better. But right now, as they made their way off the stage to watch Kris' winning performance of that frankly awful song, he felt two things: pride and resentment.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of American Idol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. So. Sorry for going awol there for a bit. School just started up a few weeks ago so I haven't had time to write. I've decided to make this into a series, so this will be the last chapter for this part of the series. I don't know when I'll start the next one, but don't expect it any time soon.   
> Thanks so much for reading!

Kris was ecstatic. He felt like he was on fire, a good fire that spread through his veins and filled him up. The last time he had felt this full of love and achievement and anticipation for the future was on his wedding day. And this came so close to surpassing it. As he smiled to the audience for the last time, as the last notes of the song ran out, all he wanted to do was smile and laugh and cry and be surrounded by the people he loved. His family finally came up on stage to be with him as the cameras were shutting off.

“Congratulations, honey!” were Katie's first words as she reached him, wrapping herself around him instantly.

He hugged her back tightly, taking her in for the first time in a long time. God, she was so beautiful.

Soon he was surrounded by his mother, father and his brother Daniel, all hugging him and giving him a pat on the shoulder.

He found himself not giving a thought to Adam until the stagehands came to pull him away to do the after-show interviews. Right. He was the American Idol now. No time for rest.

As soon as he came face to face with Adam backstage, he flung himself into his arms, burying his face below the crook of Adam's neck.

“I'm so proud of you,” Adam murmured quietly, so only Kris could hear.

“Me too,” Kris answered and pulled back reluctantly.

The somber look they exchanged told Kris that Adam felt the bittersweetness of this moment as much as he did. It was over now.

“I'm going to miss you,” Adam said.

“Don't be silly, we'll see each other on that tour bus before you know it. Then you'll see so much of me you'll be sick of it,” Kris winked.

“I won't be the same,” Adam admitted, the smile on his face looking copy-pasted.

Kris knew what he meant. They would have their own room to escape to, where they could be alone together and hide from the rest of the world, the reality of the situation. The smile slowly slipped off Kris' face. “Maybe that's just as well,” he eventually said.

They turned away from each other as handlers of different variations pulled at them to get them ready for interviews and photo shoots and everything that came with being the triumphant American Idol, and the _polite_ and _content_ runner-up. When they met again in front of reporters and cameras their friendship was again effortlessly put in place, sliding in on top of the tension and the longing. Just like it belonged there.


End file.
